Casting Call For A Best Friend chords

I [Bb]met this girl she’s really nice
Her n[Bb]ame is Sarah Hertsonweiss
She l[Gm]ooks a lot like me
But that d[Bb]ress kind of makes her look fat
And if[Eb] I were her I’d hide[F] my hair in my hat

I [Bb]met this girl shes really cute
Shes [Bb]really talented to boot
Her n[Gm]ame is Petulia
I h[Bb]ear that shes a great actor
Too [Eb]bad she uses imi[F]tation max factor

There can o[Bb]nly be one of my type in this town
And its [F]bad enough that I am s[Bb]hort
There can [Bb]only be one still st[Eb]anding her ground
[F]After the coroners re[Bb]port

I [Bb]met this girl who’s really nice
I bet [Bb]that she’s got pubic lice
She [Gm]got from her ex Boyfriend
Or [Gm]just because shes a [Bb]whore
A d[Eb]irty ugly w[F]hore

I [Bb]met this girl who’s really cute
[Bb]With a face id like to shoot
Shes alw[Gm]ays taking my parts
Well at l[Gm]east I can sing on [Bb]key
[Eb]Lalalalala l[F]ook at me

There can o[Bb]nly be one ingenue’s best friend
And I�[F] ?m gonna get cast in t[Bb]his show
There can o[Bb]nly be one left a[Eb]live in the end
And I�[F] ?ll tell you how far I [Bb]will go

I will [Gm]go to her agent and tell them she’s pregnant
[D]Create a few nasty detours

I will [Gm]go to the office and f[Eb]ile a report
That she’s b[F]een taking non-equity tours

I will bl[Eb]acklist her name and s[Bb]ay she hates gays
Tell her ma[D]nager she’s shoppi[Gm]ng around

I will p[F]ost nude pics of h[Gm]er on the web
Cauâ€?[A] ?se horse face you’re [Bb]so going down

I h[F]ate you [Eb]so damn m[F]uch
Please d[Bb]ie

And w[Bb]hen the smoke has cleared away
[Bb]On that happy day of days
When [Bb]I’m on broadway
And [Gm]all my dreams are r[Bb]evealed
Theyâ€?[Eb] ?ll find what’s left [F]of your head in a field

[Bb]Why do they all have to move in next door
can’t t[F]hey just take a hint and [Bb]get goin?
[Bb]Just when your champagne’s ready to pour
[D]Some bitch of a whore gets her f[Gm]oot in the door
[F]Right when you get a to[Bb]e in
There can o[B]nly be one of me in this town
And Iâ€[F#]™m sticking my neck out[G#m] in front
There can on[B]ly be one still sta[E]nding her ground
[F#]You fat friggin cow of a cuuu...aann we play s[B]isters?
Oh s[D#]ure!
That’d[G#m] be fine
But you be[B]tter watch your back you b[E]ig stupid bitch
(silence) B
Cause ill be watching you every line